Change Your Thoughts and You Will Change Your World

3/2/99 Dear J,

Thank you for carrying me through the past two days. I’ve enjoyed the start of my new job and believe that this will be a positive, enjoyable way for me to contribute financially to my family and also keep me mentally stimulated. Thank you for my therapist. Please let her help me in the way you have shown me I need it. Please let there be someone who can help S through his past issues, so he doesn’t need to dull the pain forever. I truly love him and the kids need him, complete and healthy, in their life. Please continue to carry me through these hard days. Let me be filled with your patience, self-control, and joy.

All my love, R


Dear R,

Wow, I am so proud of you for getting a full-time bookkeeping job. It’s a great fit for you and so close to home. You can walk there! You’d been feeling dismayed by your situation, experiencing a need for financial security, yes, but also a need for self-reliance, competence and accomplishment, to rest assured you could take care of yourself and your kids in ways that are true to you. By taking charge in this way, and by starting therapy, you’ve started to meet your needs for power with your world and support. When we focus on a vision and take clear doable first steps, we begin to feel the emotions we often forgot we still had, feelings of hope and joy. Weren’t you the one who prayed for patience? Weren’t you the one who discovered how thoughts birth actions and reactions? Look how quickly you’ve manifested change. One lesson we learn over and over again is that the only person we can change in this life is our self. Whenever you need a reminder of that, I’ll be here.

Love, Your Wisest Self


3/4/99 Dear J,

Thank you for your gift of love this morning. I was crying in bed when I heard a soft knock on the door and B came in and handed me a piece of paper. I was so pleased to see his drawing of the flower and so touched by his sensitive, caring nature. I remember showing him the other day while we worked on “pottying,” but I didn’t realize how much attention he was paying to me! What a blessing B is in my life! Thanks to you I am finally noticing the “small” stuff and realize that it’s the ONLY stuff that matters. Thank you for my new job, I love it! I believe it will be a positive environment for my gifts to be utilized and allow me time to be a good mother, too, and to volunteer with the homework club. Today I ask especially for patience, self-control, inner peace, joy, love and knowledge. I also want to thank you for S starting therapy with D. He even gave S homework. I have some hope.

All my love, R


Dear R,

It sounds like it was very meaningful for you to be seen by B and to truly see him. B is a wonderful gift and teacher in your life; he constantly offers you a mirror for unconditional love. Life is full and you are starting to learn to focus on the here and now. S started therapy and that is well and good, but your focus needs to be on you and your journey. It was hard for B to see you crying. That is why he drew you that picture, to make you happy. Remember that your changing moods and how you express your feelings affect the kids as you go about setting the stage for a safe and loving home. We can teach our kids that our feelings point to needs met and unmet for all of us. When they see the grown-ups in their life normalizing feelings and connecting to their needs in healthy ways, they learn coping strategies for the pain and joys they’re bound to experience in their own personal growth. Taking time out for time in is a motto that will become your lifeline as you grow in self-love and compassion. Don’t forget to push the pause button! Trust me. You’re on the right path.

Love, Your Wisest Self


3/8/99 Dear J,

I feel so sad sometimes, but knowing I have you to talk to helps a great deal. We’ve been through a lot lately, with S’s accident and K’s ordeal at daycare. Without you to talk to, I would’ve been lost. I wish you were a human sometimes, so you could hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. Will S ever come around and be the husband I need and want and pray for? Will B keep growing mentally and physically? Will his bad rashes ever go away? Was K abused at preschool or could this just be a bad phase? Am I a bad mother? Will the house in CT sell or are we going to have bad credit after all my hard work and juggling of bills? I’m sorry to be so doubtful today, but I’m feeling sad tonight and alone. I am happy to have such a wonderful job. Thank you for such great and beautiful children. Thank you for such good friends. Thank you for two wonderful, loving, supportive parents.

All my love, R


Dear R,

Life can feel lonely at times and it’s normal, especially when we’re tired, to go to the place of self-doubt. But, hey, you called it! You connected to all of your fears. But owning them, you are in charge of them. It is truly important to feel all the feelings, not just the easy ones, and to trust that something greater than you can hold you and them when you are struggling. It’s not easy taking care of three small children while working work full-time. You’re doing an amazing job. Here’s a thought: Give yourself a pat on the back for knowing what you needed–––to feel heard, to feel held–––and to meet your beautiful needs by spending time here with me. As you spew the burn from the inside out, you reach for the cooling salve that you discover by writing. I wish you could see what I see. You are a warrior! And, one more thing, R, shifting your thought engine from self-judgment to gratitude, well, that was just a stroke of brilliance. But rest, now.

Love, Your Wisest Self


3/14/99 Dear J,

I know I haven’t written lately, but I also know you understand, because I haven’t had a minute to spare lately. I have tried to pray, but have also been feeling very sorry for myself and really need this to change. We both know it’s not easy having four demanding children. (Yes, I’m counting S as one. With his leg injury, you would think he couldn’t do anything at all.) S just patiently sits, waiting his turn for water or food, or stammering that I don’t care about him. He always tells me not to read into his words or actions, but it feels really hard not to. He seems so unloving, not listening or caring about my feelings or B’s, etc. As long as his needs are met it seems none of mine matter. Is this self-pity on my part, should I not expect more than I am getting? I believe life has been trying to show me that I can have a healthy, loving relationship, by viewing other loving couples from my discipleship group. But our relationship is so far from loving. I think if S wanted to change, I might have some hope; my feelings might be more joyful, hopeful. It seems to me that I’m feeling sorry for myself because I feel stuck. I finally notice that I’m unhappy and get S and myself to counselors, but it was all forced on S from me. S didn’t want or volunteer for any of it! He thinks all of it’s my fault, and that he doesn’t need to do anything different. Anyway, enough of my complaining. Hopefully my mood will improve and my spirit will renew, so life will be filled with joy and love.

All my love, R


Dear R,

By coming here, you are taking time for yourself. You’ve decided that when things become too difficult to bear, you can once again find support by connecting with a part that is greater and more loving than you currently know within yourself. In this way, you are building a pattern of a healthy coping strategy. Good work! You are facing every day challenges while also wondering about an uncertain future when you’d rather be experiencing more ease. That’s a lot to hold, and by taking the few minutes when you can to spill it, you are moving closer to release. The good news is, you’re also learning more and more about who you are in the darkest hour, when in the past, you may have relented to avoiding the dark, with the unwanted coping strategies of your past, the ones you identified as numbing, the feelings you chose to avoid.

If I had to make a guess about you, right now, I’d say resilience is your strong muscle. It will serve you for years to come. And one day very soon, you’ll put it all together, how intentional thoughts and actions, honored needs and feelings, a strong body and a strong mind, all work flawlessly to create a balanced life. Continue to connect to the people you know support you with their acts and words. Continue to be true to yourself. Continue to come here. I can’t wait to read what comes next!

Love, Your Wisest Self

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